


The Weight of Living

by PockyStix



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood, Fluff, Head trauma, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Shiro has PTSD, pretty much the s7 crash, tagging that last one just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PockyStix/pseuds/PockyStix
Summary: There’s something telling about dreaming of your best friend, of reliving almost all of your memories with the boy you’ve seen grow into a man. A man he loves.And isn’t that something special? He loves Keith. That hasn’t changed. But this time...it’s different, somehow. He can’t believe he’d been unaware of his feelings for so long.He fears maybe he’s realized too late.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 116
Collections: Black Paladins Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to the mods for putting this thing together! I had a lot of fun expanding upon an idea I've had sitting in my drafts for a while.
> 
> Big thanks to my amazing artist Ayra for the BEAUTIFUL art work! I love it so much <3
> 
> Special thanks to my friends Sara and Jeanne for being my ever helpful betas, and Stephanie for letting me scream and making me a playlist. You guys are the best, I love you all <3

_“See through the lion’s eyes. Patience yields focus.”_ Those are the last words Shiro will ever be able to say to Keith. And he’s at peace with that. He won’t allow himself to feel ungrateful for this small gift the Black Lion has given him. 

The paladins need him. His team, his _family_ , need him. 

No.

They need Keith.

Shiro is more than happy to give Keith his wings.

* * *

Everything is chaotic. The intensity of emotions coursing through Voltron is stronger than it's ever been. He can feel their conviction as he drifts through the Black Lion’s conscious, omnipresent. Voltron’s powers have heightened in this new playing field, its energy surging through their beings, muddling Shiro’s mind. He can’t quite focus on what’s going on, but he has faith in them.

Voltron may be on the verge of breaking with this overload of power, but as they exit the quintessence field, Shiro smiles.

* * *

Something tugs at him. He’s not sure what, but the pull is enough to put him on full alert.

“Who’s there?” He calls out into the starry void. He’s not sure why he bothers, he knows no response will come. But then he feels that tug again. 

“Shiro…” a voice calls, their energy searching.

“Keith?” He wavers. He tries not to hope.

Silence.

A pink streak of light pulses through the purple fields of the Black Lions conscious, fluttering and searching with grace. 

It’s Allura, he realizes as her figure begins to coalesce in front of him. He stares at the princess, a mix of shock, relief, excitement, and hesitance running through him. She freezes upon seeing him, a mutual feeling, he muses.

“Princess…” he says in lieu of a greeting. Allura brings a hand to her mouth, eyes shimmering with tears.

“Shiro...I can’t believe you’ve really been here this whole time...and we didn’t realize-” she stops, beginning to choke.

“Hey, no,” he says, shushing her gently, “Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known. No one did.” She shakes her head, as if she’s about to say otherwise. “Allura, look at me,” Shiro places a hand on her shoulder, “None of this was anyone’s fault. Least of all yours, alright?” Allura tenses, no doubt wanting to shoulder the blame onto herself. Thankfully, she breathes out harshly, relaxing as she does so.

“Alright. I’ll try not to linger on the past.” She says. Shiro smiles.

“Good. Besides, you’re here now, right? Better late than never.” He chuckles. Allura scowls, although it’s not as effective with the unamused snort she lets out.

“Ugh. Your humor is still terrible as ever.” she notes, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. She smiles sweetly at him, her hand outstretched. “Let’s go home, Shiro.”

Shiro blinks. His heart begins to beat rapidly. Could he really go back? Could he really see the paladins again? 

As if sensing his doubts, she nods, confirming that yes. He _can._ He _will._

He takes her hand. The world fades to blue.

* * *

When Shiro first comes to his senses, all he sees, all he hears, all he feels, is Keith. He can sort of discern the other Paladins, but their figures barely hold form in his peripheral. All that he can currently focus on in that weary moment is that he’s _back_ . He’s truly alive again, _in Keith’s arms_. If it weren’t for the rush of physical sensations swarming him all at once, he’d assume he’d finally reached heaven.

“You found me,” he breathes in awe. Keith is a vision swathed in soft, golden light. He could cry if he weren’t so tired.

“We’re glad you’re back, Shiro.” Keith smiles tenderly.

“Rest,” Allura says. Shiro quirks his lips into the smallest of smiles before succumbing to sleep.

\-----

From the moment they met, Keith had Shiro’s full attention. There was a lot of himself he saw in Keith. A fountain of potential who needed a chance to shine, for someone to believe in him.

“I don’t get it. I steal your car, and you respond by helping me out?”

“Yeah, so you owe me one.” He grins as he hops into his car. “Be at this address tomorrow at 0800 hours. You’re getting a second chance.” He’s only a little unsure that Keith won’t show, but he saw that spark light up in Keith as soon as he got his hands on the simulator. The fact that Keith lashed out by stealing his car was enough proof for Shiro that this means something to Keith. He’s relieved to find his assumption was correct.

He’ll gladly do whatever it takes to personally see him take to the skies.

\-----

“The only reason this kid is even here is because _you_ vouched for him.” The discipline officer scowls. “Make sure this doesn’t happen again.” She snaps. 

“Understood. I’ll handle it.” Shiro nods. He steps off to the side, letting the other cadet involved in the fight enter. He finds Keith sitting outside the office, face bandaged and set in a firm scowl. 

“Hey-”

“Look, I know I messed up.” Keith interrupts. “You should just send me back to the home. This place isn’t for me.”

Shiro feels his heart drop. One fight and already Keith has given up. How many times has he faced disappointment? How many times has he been cast aside or rejected because of one mistake? He won’t have any of this. Not if he can help it. 

“Keith, you can do this. I will never give up on you. But more importantly, you can’t give up on yourself.”

That gets Keith to finally look at him. The look of disbelief strikes Shiro. “You don’t even know me.”

“You’re right. I don’t. But we could all use a hand.”

When Keith takes his hand, he knows he’s gained his trust, however faint it may be. It’s the start of a new beginning for the both of them, and he’s more than willing to be there for Keith every step of the way. He’s made a promise, after all. And he intends to keep it.

\-----

“I won’t go through this again. So if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”

Shiro doesn’t even bother watching Adam leave the room. There’s no point to it. It’s not worth the aggravation he already feels. He knew their breakup was inevitable, but the ultimatum still stings like a bitch. Clenching his fists, he takes a moment to compose himself before heading out to do some maintenance on one of the hoverbikes.

He doesn’t expect Keith.

“When were you going to tell me?”

Shiro looks up, blinking at the sudden appearance of his best friend. “Oh. Keith, hey.” he says. His heart beats a little faster, unsure of why his protege is looking at him with an expression of hurt. Before he can ask what’s wrong, Keith storms up to him.

“I was outside your office. I overheard you and commander Holt talking with Admiral Sanda. Tell me the truth. Tell me what’s wrong. I’m not a little kid, I can handle it!” he finishes, his voice raised towards the end.

So it’s like that. Shiro is filled with dread and relief. He never wanted to burden Keith with the knowledge of his condition, but at least he’s not here to leave him, too.

He sighs, knowing it’s not fair to Keith to have hid such a big part of himself from him. He’d rather be honest than let his stubborn pride cost him to lose someone else he deeply cares for.

“I...have a disease. And it’s getting worse. I’ll only be able to maintain my peak condition for a couple more years. After that...” He turns away when he sees Keith’s face fall. That right there is exactly what he had been dreading, seeing whatever illusion Keith had envisioned shatter right in front of him. 

He grips the cloth tightly, “The Garrison doesn’t want me up there. Neither does Adam.” he finishes, looking down at the ground. He’s waiting for Keith to agree with them. Almost expects it now, what with having been told by everyone else in his life to give it up and play it safe. 

“So...what are you gonna do?” Keith says instead. Shiro’s breath hitches. He doesn’t know whether to cry or hug Keith. Sweet, amazing Keith. 

His face sets in determination. “I’m going on the mission.”

\-----

It’s the night before the Kerberos launch, and Shiro is alone. It’s the first time in a while he’s been by himself before the big day, but considering the building rift between him and Adam his last few missions, it’s nothing new. The silence holds a different tone though. He has time to himself to go over his mental checklist. Everything’s been packed and ready to go for weeks, this place included. After the breakup, and the high chance he won’t be allowed into space anymore after Kerberos, both he and Adam had moved out of the place they once called ‘home’. He’s not even sure if he’ll remain at the Garrison after this, though he’d like to. 

The medical cuff on his wrist beeps. Shiro sighs, gaze lingering on the thing keeping him physically together. Maybe he should’ve listened. Adam, his doctors, Sanda. But...no. This is his dream. He worked too hard, shed too much blood, sweat, and tears to get where he is now. He won’t let fear or his condition stop him. 

_“There must be something you can do to help!”_

Shiro startles, head snapping up to survey the room. That voice…

“Keith?” He calls out. He doesn’t remember them making plans tonight, but it wouldn’t be too far fetched. He waits for a bit before moving to poke his head out of his bedroom. The rest of the apartment is empty. There’s no sign of anyone other than himself in here.

Huh. 

\-----

On the day of the launch, Shiro spends his last free hours with Keith. He had been allowed to bring family or someone close to him to the launch site. Naturally, he brought Keith with him.

Keith is just as enamored and excited about Kerberos as Shiro is. It warms his heart. He listens with rapt attention, taking in everything Shiro shares with him with boyish wonder. He stays by his side the whole time. 

“I’m proud of you, Shiro.” Keith tells him, a soft look on his face. Shiro looks down at Keith, the words bearing more weight than he’d expect.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Despite everything, you’ve never let anything come between you and what you want. I’m happy you get to live your dream every day. I’m proud to be your friend.”

Shiro envelops Keith in a tight hug, a few tears falling from his face. “I’m really gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you, too, you big dork.” 

Shiro laughs. “Hey,”

“Hey.” He parrots.

“Thank you. For being here for me. For being my friend. It. It means a lot to me.”

“Always.” Keith says, going back in for another hug, “I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.”

Shiro is grateful for Keith. More than he will ever know.

\-----

Returning to outer space feels like a warm welcome home. It’s where he’s meant to be, flying freely through the solar system. He may be piloting Persephone on a charted course to Kerberos, which admittedly restricts him from being adventurous as he’d like, but the mere opportunity to be in space at all, let alone multiple times is more than enough.

It’s an honor and a pleasure to be working alongside Sam Holt again. He’s always stood up for Shiro, believing in him when others wouldn’t. It motivates Shiro to do his best, to keep at it. He finds Matt’s presence to be equally enjoyable, although it takes a while for the young Holt to relax and let loose around him. He was aware of his “golden boy” status at the Garrison, what with being their poster boy and all, but Shiro had thought Sam would have shared some of his more...humbling moments and make him seem more average, so to speak. 

Shiro is intelligent, but he admits that when it comes to the science and theories the Holts excitedly discuss, he can’t help but feel a little lost at times. Still, he enjoys sitting back and listening to their back and forth, occasionally sharing his own thoughts when he’s more confident in the conversation.

He’s definitely well-adjusted with his fellow crew mates, but even so, he still misses his best friend. The Holts find him more often than not gazing back at Earth in the first few months that it’s visible after he’s done with his tasks for the day. When earth is no more than a blip, they find him scoring fondly at the trinkets and mementos he brought along with him, mainly of him and Keith, when he’s not exercising.

Sometimes he’ll be so deep in a memory, it’s like he’s still on earth. He almost swears he can hear Keith.

_“Shiro, please…”_

Shiro snaps his head up, startled by the pleading. The voice...it sounds like Keith. But that can’t be possible. Keith is on earth.

_“Fight!”_

The interior of the ship fades away, leaving him alone in white space.

“What the…?” Shiro looks around in bewilderment. “Where am I?” His breathing quickens as he tries to make sense of what’s going on. The blank expanse is endless, eerie and intimidating. Yet, as sudden as it appeared, so do multiple instances of his life. 

_Ah. So these are my memories,_ Shiro realizes. The Garrison t-shirt and grey sweats he wears peel away into his paladin armor.

He walks through his field of memories, taking in everything from his childhood to his final days with the paladins. There are new memories here too, ones that don’t belong to him. 

They’re his clones’ memories, he realizes. The most prominent ones are of Keith.

 _‘Am I dying? Again?’_ Shiro wonders as the light grows brighter and the memories begin to resound. He must be. Why else would he be reliving everything? 

_“You could try waking up.”_ A voice murmurs. His voice. 

Shiro turns, catching a brief glimpse of the clone. He seems worse for wear, eyes weary and bleak. The clones’ essence itself is as if it’s a moment away from fading from existence.

He doesn’t speak. Neither of them do. He’s at a loss for words, head swarming with a sudden onslaught of experiences completely foreign yet not. He slumps onto the ground, groaning at the building pressure. His head feels too heavy, unprepared and ill-equipped as bits and pieces of the clone’s life begin to flash by.

Anxiety, fear, pain, frigid cold, searing flames, jarring movement, bright flashes, too many images and sounds to process. 

Shiro whimpers, huddled on the ground. He barely registers the encroaching footsteps.

 _“It’s a lot, I know. I’m sorry.”_ It says, standing quietly besides him. _“I’ll...I’ll try sharing them in a way that won’t overwhelm or break you.”_ The pressure lifts slightly at that, the memories minimizing and fading, as if being stored for later. Shiro exhales, finding the strength to push upright into a sitting position.

 _“We can’t both exist, can we?”_ Shiro doesn’t respond, too preoccupied with controlling his breathing in hopes of clearing his mind. The clone stares at him, contemplative.

 _“Two souls would be too much,”_ it murmurs, _“then again, did a thing like myself even have a soul?”_ The clone huffs a laugh, tinged with sadness. Shiro looks up at him, his brain finally noticing the missing limb. He starts, a slight dread encompassing him as he remembers Keith, how he’d been so...so scared…

“What did you do?” he growls. The clone doesn’t speak. When he meets Shiro’s gaze, a tight, remorseful smile greets him. His form begins to dissipate when he speaks.

_“You have to wake up. Or we both die.”_

Shiro huffs in frustration. A wave of fatigue hits him, his surroundings beginning to shrink. Part of him doesn’t want to wake. He’s spent so long fighting—his whole life, if he really thinks about it—he can’t help the soul deep exhaustion he feels. He’s tired. So very tired. And the thought of slipping away as he relives his life with Keith doesn’t sound bad. 

_“You can’t do this to me again…”_

No.

He has to wake up. For Keith.

\-----

The world comes back to him all at once. He coughs from the sudden shock of it.

“Shiro!” 

And there he is. The star of his dreams. This kind, loyal, amazing man who has been there for him more times than he can count. A dream come true, right by his side, just as he’s always promised.

Keith’s eyes glimmer with welled tears. He hates to see him cry, but oh how the tears bring attention to the universe held within them. Shiro can’t look away. He finds he doesn’t want to.

“Keith...I was dreaming. Keith. You saved me.”

The look of utter relief morphs into one he cannot mistake: Love. 

The realization takes his breath away. For a moment, just the slightest of moments, when Keith leans in, Shiro thinks he’s about to be kissed. It sure would seem fitting at this point. Keith, his right hand man, his devoted knight in shining armor, his...everything.

He leans in for a hug instead. It throws everything Shiro thought and secretly hoped for into question.

“We saved each other.”

* * *

There’s something telling about dreaming of your best friend, of reliving almost all of your memories with the boy you’ve seen grow into a man. A man he loves.

And isn’t that something special? He loves Keith. That hasn’t changed. But this time...it’s different, somehow. He can’t believe he’d been unaware of his feelings for so long.

He fears maybe he’s realized too late. 

* * *

The next time Keith touches him, he does so by shoulder touch. It’s one of their go-tos, if he’s being honest. Shiro visibly relaxes, unaware he’d been tense this whole time. Keith hums in approval, smiling softly as they gaze at the endless expanse of stars. He’d taken to sitting in the pilots chair today, not having done so in a while. He knows he won’t be able to pilot her anymore, even with his missing limb. The connection he had, the bond he worked so hard to form with the Black Lion, gone. It hits him hard, most days, but he doesn’t let it show. Can’t, really. He’s still processing all of the events and experiences the clone had, leaving him quiet, contemplative, lethargic. He doesn’t respond much or initiate contact. Sometimes, when he snaps out of it, he wonders how he must look to the other paladins. Maybe he’s still nothing more than an empty husk of what he once was. He certainly feels like it at times.

“Hey,” Keith says softly, bringing Shiro back to the present.

“Hey,” Shiro parrots back, his eyelids suddenly feeling heavy as his eyes refocus, taking in the soft purple glow of the Black lion.

“You could still pilot her, you know,” Keith says, “if you wanted. I won’t stop you.”

Shiro considers it, looking down at the handles. He grips the left one. “Might be a little hard with my handicap.” He chuckles. It’s dry, leaving him feeling a bit hollow. The hand on his shoulder squeezes.

“As if that would stop you.” Keith snorts. “I’m sure you’d find a way. You always do.”

The hand Shiro has on the handle tightens, emotion working its way, lodging in his throat. “I would, wouldn’t I?” he whispers, more to himself. His past self, the one who _was_ able to beat the odds. He’s not sure if he has any miracles left in that arsenal. “But it’s not that.” He admits quietly. 

Keith lets go, leaving Shiro alone in his thoughts. There’s a moment where Shiro thinks maybe he’s left, given him space, as he usually does. But then Keith enters his field of vision, crouched in front of him. Shiro blinks, his eyes focusing on Keith.

Keith, who has grown so much since he last saw him. Both physically and emotionally. He’s more refined, features sharpened to deadly precision, along with his mind. He’s beautiful, absolutely breathtaking.

Shiro’s never been more proud.

“Keith?” Shiro breathes as the man places a hand on his knee. He simply smiles up at Shiro, thumb running affectionately across the back of his hand. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. Shiro knows that’s his way of saying “I’m here. I’ll listen. Just take your time. Breathe.” So he does.

“I can’t feel her anymore.” He finally says. The admission, hearing himself speak it out loud, suddenly makes it feel official, finite. It wracks him, an onslaught of tears cascading down his face. Keith rests his head on his other leg, clutching on Shiro’s leg as the tears continue to fall. “I can’t...she’s not in my head at _all_. And I spent so long in hers, and now it’s quiet, and disconnected, and I can’t-” he stops, breath shuddering as he begins to shake. “It hurts, Keith.” 

Shiro ducks his head down, shielding himself as best as he can. It hurts. It hurts to breathe, to hear, to feel, to exist. It’s too much. His chest is tight as hell, his back spiking in pain with the way he’s sitting, his hand from squeezing the handle, his face feels too hot, a weight settling in his head.

Keith shifts onto his knees, enveloping Shiro in a tight hug. Shiro hugs him back, the contact making him cry harder. 

“I-it’s not that I’m not proud of you, I really am,” Shiro clarifies into Keith’s chest, “and I would never take away something you worked hard to earn, but. _Fuck_ .” He sobs, feeling the words begin to choke in this throat, “I didn’t think I’d come back feeling so _empty_. I didn’t think-” the words stop, dying out on him. “I didn’t think it’d be so unbearable.” he whispers, for that’s all he can manage now. Keith pulls him in even closer, and it’s then he realizes Keith is trembling. 

Shiro whimpers, broken-hearted and guilty. He hadn’t meant to unload it all on his best friend. He hadn’t meant to make him cry too. “I’m sorry.” 

He feels Keith shake his head, cradling Shiro’s head as he begins to scratch his temple lightly. It makes him shudder, he hasn’t been held like this in a long time.

“Don’t be,” Keith shushes him, his voice sounding rough around the edges (rougher than usual, anyways), “You’ve been through a lot. You can have this, you can be vulnerable. I’ll be here to catch you when you fall.” He soothes, pressing a soft kiss on the crown of Shiro’s head. Shiro can’t help but laugh at how literal Keith’s word is.

“As many times as it takes, right?” Shiro sniffles. The hand gently caressing his head stills. Shiro lets out a confused sound when Keith pulls back, tightening his hold on Keith subconsciously. Keith stares at him, emotions flickering through his face. Shiro just stares back owlishly, too emotionally wrung out to process what those looks could mean. His hindbrain more bewildered at the change in atmosphere between them.

Before he can piece himself together for Keith, the man gently knocks his head against Shiro’s. Keith swallows, eyes glistening. Shiro tracks the slight rise and fall of Keith’s Adam’s apple with his eyes. “Always.” Keith says. 

Shiro doesn’t question Keith’s bout of emotion. He lets it happen. He needs it. They both do, he realizes.

They stay there, holding each other, enveloped closely that they are one, heartbeats beating in sync.

* * *

Shiro’s got a new addition. He can’t get enough of Keith’s touch. Be it a hand on his shoulder, his back, on top of his hand, really anywhere where it feels right, feels grounding. A reassurance that he’s physically _here_. Alive.

The other Paladins hugged him plenty once he had woken up, and Kosmo was a more than stellar cuddle buddy, but it couldn’t compare to how electric Keith’s touch made him feel. 

His touch makes him feel complete.

It works out in his favor that Keith seems to feel the same way. Keith remains a steady presence by Shiro’s side. There hardly ever seems to be a moment where they’re not in each other’s space, not that Shiro’s complaining. Far from it.

Shiro doesn’t comment on it for the most part. The suddenness and frequency of Keith’s touch doesn’t register as “strangely excessive for Keith”, as the others seem to view it. As far as Shiro’s concerned, touch has always been a huge part of his and Keith’s dynamic.

If anything, Keith always seems to know when Shiro needs touch to ground him when his thoughts become too rapid or overwhelming. It helps him refocus.  
  
It’s calming. Safe.

Sometimes Shiro will simply rest his head against Keith’s shoulder or back and that’s all it will take for Keith to hold him in his arms for however long he needs.

He knows he shouldn’t grow accustomed to this. He’ll need to find another way to cope without Keith...and yet he finds himself willing to procrastinate on this.  
  
He’s allowed to be selfish.

* * *

Night terrors are nothing new. The contents of them...those are new. 

The soul transfer...or maybe soul meld? He’s not entirely sure. Whichever it is, the clone’s memories bring an onslaught of pain, confusion, desperation, and remorse. 

It’s bizarrely unsettling and disorienting, trying to differentiate between memory and reality. It leaves him more tired than the days before.

The first thing Shiro comes to deal with is escaping the galra facility. Again. He relives making it to a frozen planet only to be captured again, this time by less threatening aliens. Although that doesn’t mean it’s a cake walk. Dehydration, cauterizing the wound on his leg, that...tentacle thing. All of it. 

It’s not all at once, for that he’s thankful. He doesn’t think his brain would be able to process everything all at once. The constant buzz in his head already borders on painful, leaving him out of sorts. It’s like there’s this mounting pressure that’s just waiting to tumble off a cliff and crush him. He’s not sure if he wants to know every little thing the clone did. Just the important, more damning things. He needs to know how big of a mess was left for him to clean up.

The more positive memories come as a shock as well as relieve him. The Voltron Show, Monsters and Mana, the brief moments he got to talk to Keith whenever he’d come back or call from a mission with the blades. The clone did have its instances where he was more irritable and prone to lashing out at the team (something that didn’t sit well with Shiro), but at least the clone had the decency to apologize and distance himself from the team when it felt too much to handle. 

The rest is. Tame. Almost on par to how Shiro himself would have reacted. It’s what’s unsettling. This...body he now inhabits turned on his team, so seeing his clone bond with them through the Voltron show and Monsters and Mana makes his betrayal all the more upsetting.

It’s conflicting. He wants to be mad at him, but Shiro finds he can’t find a leg to stand on. The clone’s worst grievances were when he’d argued and challenged the role of leadership _Keith_ rightfully earned. That argument nearly got them killed in battle were it not for Keith’s quick thinking. 

The final thing that plagues him is the fight at the clone facility. That one hurts most of all. That was the one act of injustice Shiro will never forgive the clone or Haggar for. They hurt his family. They hurt _Keith_ , and that is unforgivable. It almost helps ease the guilt of taking over this body. Almost.

It’s something he contemplates, something he has to process and figure out on his own, which is all fine and dandy...until it isn’t.

Until the clone starts appearing in his dreams.

It really throws Shiro for a loop. To his and everyone’s understanding, the clone had died by the time Shiro’s consciousness merged with his new body.

His clone doesn’t say or do much at first. He merely observes from a distance. It unsettles Shiro to see him unresponsive, a looming presence. It’s almost like he’s waiting for some sort of order or command, the way he gazes head on with a blank expression. Poised and standing at attention.

“So you think of me as evil, huh?” The clone says after weeks of silence. 

“I…” Shiro pauses, a slight chill running down his spine as their gaze finally meet. He’s shocked to see his clone interact with him. He was beginning to think his clone was just a manifestation of his new found trauma that he’d have to tackle later. “I wasn’t aware you were still...cognant.”

The clone hums, a defeated smile on his face. “Not really. Not in a way that matters, anyways.” Shiro’s hand clenches. The clone tracks his movement and chuckles dryly. “If you’re worried about me fighting for control, don’t be. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore. Don’t want to.”

He’s not sure if he should trust his words, but it’s not like he has much of a choice, stuck in this dreamscape. “How are you still here? Are you really here? Or am I starting to lose myself?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

Shiro frowns. That doesn’t help him much.

“I know,” The clone scoffs, “I’m the most helpful, reliable person you could count on in these trying times.” 

It almost makes him laugh. 

“Guess that means you also have no clue what you’re doing here.” He mutters impatiently. The clone frowns.

“Well, I sort of have an idea, but I’d like you to not refer to me as ‘the clone’ before we get into personal theories.”

Shiro doesn’t know how to handle the implication that the clone can read his thoughts. “You want me to name you?”

“I understand the hostility you feel, but I’d like to be treated with at least a little decency.” he huffs. “But I’d also understand if you’d rather not.”

“No, you’re right,” Shiro sighs, “It’s not fair to dehumanize you like that.”

“...I guess you could call me ‘Kuron’ as a compromise.”

Shiro blinks. “I thought you _didn’t_ want to be called my clone?”

Kuron shrugs, “I don’t, but like I said, compromise. Unless you want to call me Jiro.” He chuckles, fondly recalling his monsters and mana character.

Shiro actually does laugh, then. “Alright, I guess I’ll call you Kuron.” Kuron smiles, nodding his head slightly in thanks. “So then, what’s your theory?”

Kuron pauses, smile slipping into a pursed frown. “I think...I’m still here because even though you’re the original, this was my body. And now that you’ve taken over, you’re trying to rationalize eradicating my existence in a way that doesn’t make you feel guilty.” 

“Wow...you’ve thought about this, haven’t you?” Shiro’s both impressed and terrified. 

“Why else would you have referred to me as ‘the evil clone’ of yourself today?”

Shiro’s jaw clenches, his face burning slightly. Earlier that day, the paladins had discussed how they could recharge the lions without the castle of lions. Shiro had suggested that if they spent time becoming fully realized paladins, then eventually they wouldn’t have to struggle or worry about there not being enough power to form voltron. When Lance had sourly asked what took him so long to bring that up, Shiro had responded with dry sarcasm. He didn’t think the clone--he didn’t think _Kuron--_ would’ve heard that. Didn’t think it was even possible for him to.

Kuron sighs, a tired sound which resonates with Shiro. That’s all he seems to be these days. Tired.

“I get it. Why you’d see me that way.” he says after a moment. “I’d hate me too.”

“Well, yeah,” Shiro starts, incredulous. “You hurt my family. You hurt _Keith.”_ Kuron flinches. “I can’t forgive you for that.”

Kuron’s gaze turns hard, mimicking Shiro’s defensive stance and fist clench. “You think I don’t feel remorse? Guilt? Do you really see me as Haggar’s mindless soldier? I never wanted to hurt them!” Shiro recoils slightly from Kuron’s sudden burst of emotion. Kuron moves forward, “You might want to shut me away, write me off as a bad dream that never happened, but you can’t wipe away my existence. I _am_ you, whether you like it or not.” He’s close now, too close for Shiro’s comfort.

“No...you’re not! You’re _nothing_ like me!” Shiro shakes his head, stepping away from Kuron.

“I was literally made in your image, Shiro! All of your memories, thoughts, your hopes and fears, your dreams, your feelings, I had them all! For all any of us knew, I _was_ you! Even if I didn’t know it myself. And you have the audacity to say I’m not? You may as well admit to being a monster yourself.” 

_Monster._ The word flings Shiro back to when they had Sendak imprisoned in the castle. Kuron’s form begins to fade away, shifting into Sendak as his mind replicates the scenario.

_“Do you really think a monster like you could be a Voltron paladin?”_

“No...no, stop-”

_"We're connected, you and me. Both part of the Galra empire. You've been broken and reformed. Just look at your hand. It's the strongest part of you. Embrace it."_

Kuron reappears by Sendak, watching as Shiro begins to slip back into panic. He bends down to where Shiro is crouched, trying to hide away from Sendak.

“Maybe they were right. About both of us.” Kuron hisses. “Maybe we _are_ good for nothings, weapons of war that were only meant for pain and destruction.”

“Stop! Stop it!” Shiro cries, clutching his head as it all comes back to him.

“Why? That’s what you think of me, isn’t it? And if that’s how you think of me, then isn’t it truly how you think of yourself?”

“No! It’s not! I’m not-”

“You are.”

“NO, I’M NOT!” Shiro yells, throwing a punch at Kuron. Only...

_Shiro!_

“Keith?” Shiro looks down, and sees himself, blade and all, trying to kill Keith.

_Shiro please!_

No. No no no-not this, please-

_You’re my brother!_

Anything but this…!

_I love you!_

“Keith! I’m so sorry!” Shiro sobs. He’s trying so hard to get up, to move so he doesn’t kill Keith. But he _can’t._ “Please...move! Why can’t I move!” He yells, crying in anguish as he sees his blade burn Keith.

“Enjoy Haggar’s parting gift.” Kuron says dryly. 

“ _NO!”_

“Shiro!”

Shiro jolts awake, breathing heavily. Keith is by his side, brow furrowed in worry as Shiro pulls away, trying to put as much space between them as he can in the small space.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he apologizes, squeezing his eyes shut, his palm pressing against his eyes.

“Don’t be,” Keith says, brushing away the locks of hair that have stuck to his face. He frowns when Shiro flinches. He moves back, giving him room to breathe. “I know what it’s like. Sort of.” Keith crosses his arms, leaning against the stacked boxes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It. His dream. His new memory. The clone facility. A fight to the death. Keith almost dying by his hand. No, Kuron’s.

Keith, begging and pleading, doing everything possible to save him. Keith, saying he…

Shiro shakes his head. He can’t. Not now. He’s not ready.

Silence lingers between them, the Black Lion humming softly, her sound reverberating throughout. Keith steps closer, mindful not to box him in. “Shiro,” he calls softly, waiting until Shiro looks up, “Can I hold you?”

Shiro’s lip quivers. “ _Please._ ”

Keith joins him on the bed, bringing him close to his chest. He curls around Shiro, petting his hair and murmuring softly. Shiro clings to him, letting Keith’s heartbeat ground him. 

Keith doesn’t push him, for which he’s grateful. He’s not sure when he’ll be ready to have that conversation. How would he even start?

_Hey, I’d like to apologize on behalf of my clone for almost killing you after you poured your heart out to me. Him. Us?_

Yeah, _great_ start that would be, Shirogane.

Shiro sighs, eyelids falling shut as he nestles into Keith. Keith hums in question, shifting slightly. “Feeling better?”

Shiro nods, “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Keith wraps his arms tight, careful not to suffocate him. “Get some rest.” 

Shiro takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as the drowsiness grows. He didn’t think sleep would find him so quickly. Then again, Keith has a special effect on him. His thoughts may still hold some reserve and unease to them, but the security he feels with Keith eases him.

With any luck, the worst of it is over. But he knows it won’t be the last time. It never is. For now though, he’ll take solace in Keith’s arms.

For a brief moment, he imagines the soft press of lips on the crown of his head, but chalks it up to nothing more than the start of a blissful dream.

* * *

Shiro wakes to a heavy weight on his chest. His brow furrows in confusion. He glances down to find Keith’s space wolf resting his head on his paws. On Shiro’s chest.

“...Hello.” he greets awkwardly. He hadn’t been expecting to wake up to the wolf. The wolf stares into his eyes, tail wagging with a happy rhythmic ‘ _thump thump thump’_ on the makeshift bed. The wolf brushes his snout against Shiro’s face, sniffing. He gives a soft chuff and hops off the bed, letting Shiro sit up. 

“Did Keith send you to keep me company?” he chuckles, running his fingers through the wolf’s fur. The wolf doesn’t respond. He merely sits, content to let Shiro keep petting him. “You probably already know this, but last night was rough. I just hope I didn’t trouble him too much.” The Wolf _woofs_ softly, resting his head on his leg in a gesture of comfort. 

“Thanks, Buddy.”

Eventually, Shiro leaves the room, making his way into the cockpit where Krolia is coaching and guiding the paladins through another simulation she’s made. He watches as the paladins do their best to maneuver through the minefield the seasoned blade has programmed. It’s a good idea, he thinks. An effective way to ensure the team stays prepared and ready to take on any sudden adversary. It’s also a good way for them to enhance and hone their skills. Sharpen their blades, so to speak. 

He watches as Keith pilots Black, revelling in how free and natural it feels to see him unfurl his wings and dominate the simulation. It makes him nostalgic.

It makes him miss piloting.

The blaring noise signifying a paladin has failed the course sounds through the cockpit, a chorus of groans following as the simulation powers down.

“Not bad,” Krolia nods. “You all are improving nicely.” she says proudly. She goes on to give each paladin pointers and suggestions on how to further their training and lessen their weak spots before handing the stage to Keith.

“How’s that planet search going, Pidge?” Keith asks.

“Now that we’re actually nearing habitable planets, there’s plenty for me to inspect.” She shifts her glasses, a glint in her eyes. “I’ve narrowed down the number to the single digits, so it shouldn’t be long now. I’ll send you coordinates when I choose the best one.”

“Thanks, Pidge.”

  
“Aw yes! Can’t wait to be on solid ground again!” Lance cheers, Romelle jumping excitedly behind him.

Within the next few days they land on a planet to resupply and take a break. It’s a great chance to stretch their legs and get a change of scenery. 

The planet they chose is lush, filled with various fauna and an abundance of potential food to eat. It doubles as a nice opportunity to finally bathe after traveling through space for who knows how long.

“Never thought I’d say this, but it’s so nice to see nature again!” Pidge cries in relief, practically nuzzling the ground as she lays face down. “Prolonged space travel really helps you develop an appreciation for this stuff.” She sighs happily.

“I know! I love Red, don’t get me wrong, but it’s so nice to move about and not be stuck in that small space.” Lance agrees.

“But the lions are all rather large!” Romelle says. “Although I see how you’d come to see them as small...there’s not much to do after all, is there?” she ponders.

“Either way, I’m ready to go and explore this place!” Hunk gleams, gazing upon the landscape with excitement. “So what’s the plan, Keith?”

Keith blinks as everyone turns to him, waiting for his instruction. He looks at them all, then to Shiro, before slowly pointing to himself quizzically. 

“Yes, you. You’re our team leader.” Lance rolls his eyes with a playful scoff. “So, lead us.”

Keith stays quiet for a moment, pensive. “Well, assuming you’d all like to spend some time _not_ in your lions, I guess we’d have to split up into three teams. One to set up camp for the night, another to search for anything safe for consumption, and another to scout for potential danger or materials we could bring along with us.”

The group nods in agreement. “I’d like to go ahead and put myself in charge of the food search team,” Hunk says, “Pidge, Coran, would you guys be willing to join me?”

“Of course, number 2! I’d be more than happy to help!” Coran smiles, giving him a small salute.

“Sure! With Coran’s knowledge and my tech, we can definitely determine what’s safe to eat and drink with hardly any trouble.” Pidge grins, already prepping her scanner.

“Alright. Krolia and I will go and scout the area. Everyone else can either set up camp for tonight or join one of the other two groups.” Keith says, nodding at his mother.

“I’ll volunteer to set up the camp!” Romelle says, perking up. “No offense to any of you, but the last time I accompanied you all on a little adventure, I got shrunk and almost eaten by a Yalmor!” She pales, shuddering slightly in memory of the events.

“I don’t blame you.” Hunk agrees. Coran huffs, waving his hand dismissively. 

“Oh come now, it wasn’t all terrible! We made it out alive, didn’t we?”

“Barely!” Lance points out. “I’m with Romelle, I think I’ll stay behind for this one. But if you find something cool bring it back with you!” 

“I’ll stay too.” Allura says.

“And you, Shiro?” Keith asks.

“I’d like to join you and Krolia, if that’s okay.” He says after some thought.

“Of course. We’d be more than happy to have you join us.” Krolia says, smiling kindly.

“Sounds great, Shiro.” Keith says. “Alright, now that we’ve all split ourselves into groups, let’s head out. Pidge, how long do you estimate the sun will stay up for?”

“It looks like it’s around midday for this planet, so at least another five hours.”

“Alright. Let’s meet back in two. Sound good?”

The others agree and set off to do their self-assigned tasks.

*** * ***

“Do you think we’ll come across anything here?” Shiro asks as they head into the lush terrain.

“According to Pidge, it should be unlikely. Although it’s better to be safe than sorry.” Krolia says, marching onward. 

“Yeah. Wouldn’t want to risk coming across a hidden, hostile community or feral wildlife.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Shiro comments, shooting Keith a look. Keith stares at Shiro, unamused. He shakes his head, huffing incredulously.

“I’m sure my son will be more than ready to save you should any danger come to you.” Krolia deadpans, eyes full of mirth as Keith lets out an indignant, “Mom!” She feigns innocence, giving her son an affectionate hair ruffle.

“Well don’t just stand there, let's move.” she chuckles, leaving both boys red faced as she leads the way.

They scout the area, keeping their surroundings in check, eyes watching for any signs of danger. Shiro’s mind runs a million miles per second, replaying the unexpected playful teasing from Krolia. While she heads into a thick, green area to see what lays beyond, he sidles up to Keith.

“So,” he clears his throat, giving himself a moment to plan his words, “She knows about my near death experience?”

“Which one?”

Shiro coughs, “Wow, okay. That...that’s fair. Harsh. But you’ve got me there.” he laughs. Keith smirks, holding a few low hanging branches aside for Shiro to pass through. 

“We were in the quantum abyss for two years. During that time, we’d frequently receive glimpses of the past and the probable future.” he starts as they resume walking, “There was no way to predict whose we’d see. I’d see her memories, and she’d see mine. In a weird way, those flashbacks helped us understand each other. It brought us closer as a family.” He smiles fondly, “Eventually, we talked about anything and everything, since there was no point in keeping secrets.”

“Her being there with me...she really helped me grow as a person. She was there for me when the worst of it plagued me.”

“How much of the future did you see?” 

Keith’s mouth sets into a firm line. He looks at Shiro grimly. “Enough to prepare for it.”

A cool breeze whisks by, sending a chill down Shiro’s spine. The air brushes Keith’s hair, making stray strands rustle across his melancholy face. The conversation ends there, the implications to Keith’s last statement churning anxiety in his stomach. 

What could Keith have seen? Would the things that come to pass be set in stone? Or would Keith’s knowledge of the future give them an advantage?

It brings things like fate and destiny back into question. 

* * *

“Oh, Shiro! You’re back.” Allura says when he appears at random back at the starting point. “Is everything alright?” She asks. 

“Yeah, it seems I haven’t quite regained my stamina. Keith noticed and sent me back.” In truth, he’d gotten so caught up in his head over what the future could hold that made Keith shut off like that; it almost made him walk right into a trap set by a carnivorous plant. Luckily, Keith interfered, saving him (yet again) before he became plant food.

“I see. Well, if you’d like, we’re working on building a traditional earth fire pit, or so Lance calls it.” She smiles. 

“Oh.” Shiro says. “I’m guessing that means Lance and Romelle went to go look for rocks?”

“Why yes! How did you know?” She asks excitedly. 

Shiro laughs, “Well, that’s how you make a traditional earth fire pit.”

“Oh, hey, Shiro!” Lance greets, arms full of rocks. Romelle follows not far behind him. “I thought you were with Keith and his mom?”

“Kosmo sent him back.” Allura says.

“Oh dear, he wasn’t sent here for backup, was he?” Romelle frets, wanting to avoid any spontaneous adventures for the time being.

“Don’t worry, everyone’s fine.” he reassures her.

“Good! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grown fond of you all, but I’d much rather we maintain this easy-going, non life-threatening travel streak of ours.” She huffs, setting down her pile of assorted rocks. Shiro nods in understanding.

“And may it stay that way.” He agrees. Romelle smiles, eyes crinkling slightly.

“So how does one go about building this ‘fire pit’?”

* * *

As the four of them go about completing the pit, Shiro gets a chance to reacquaint himself with Romelle. Allura takes her hand as she retells her story: Lotor finding the remaining Alteans, her family going away to be unknowingly experimented on and drained of quintessence, everything. When she finishes, he’s glad Lotor is gone, and that she was found by Keith and Krolia.

He commends her for her bravery, and offers his condolences and support should she need it. She thanks him, a few stray tears trailing down her face. Allura hugs Romelle, Lance joining them moments later. He drags Shiro with him.

They end up forming a hug cluster, which is how the others find them.

“Ooh, what’s the occasion?” Hunk asks, setting down the food he carried before heading over, never one to miss out on hugs.

“And why are you all crying?” Pidge asks.

“Hush, we’re having a bonding moment.” Lance sniffs. Keith’s eye twitches.

“I was sharing my story with Shiro, since he wasn’t truly there for most of it when it all transpired.” Romelle says, giving Keith and Krolia a wobbly smile. Krolia places a comforting hold on her shoulder, Romelle leaning into her touch.

Pidge and Coran nod solemnly, setting down their scavenged food and joining the huddle.

“I’m glad you’re with us, now.” Allura says.

“We’re all family here, and you’re more than welcome to be a part of it.” Coran agrees, echoing Allura’s sentiment.

“Thank you, I truly appreciate it.” Romelle smiles, moving to dry her eyes with her sleeve. “Now let’s see what our foragers brought for dinner!” she claps excitedly.

The three go over the various vegetable and fruit like edibles, as well as some aquatic creatures they came across while picking native berries. Krolia helps Hunk prep the “meat” while Lance, Allura, and Romelle show off the fire they made with Shiro’s help. From there, dinner devolves into a team effort, with Hunk as the head chef.

They spend the night sharing stories, ranging from childhood to the different bedtime stories and fairytale legends between humans, Alteans, and Galra. The remainder of the day is spent in peace, enjoying each other's company.

It’s the closest thing to family Shiro’s felt in a long time.

* * *

“Where are you going?” Shiro asks. The paladins are still gathered by the makeshift fire, enjoying another hearty serving of Hunk’s cooking. 

Keith grins, “Why don’t you come with me and see?” His smile is only slightly mischievous, but it makes Shiro’s heart rate increase all the same. He chuckles, shaking his head fondly before taking Keith’s hand. He lets Keith lead them away from the group, traipsing into the path they explored earlier that day. Eventually, Keith makes a detour, taking them to a large body of water. It glows a brilliant blue under the moonlight. It’s beautiful.

“When did you…?”

“A little after you went back to the Lions. Krolia and I found some fresh water along with this. Pidge checked it out and gave it a thumbs up while Hunk and Coran searched for dinner to fish. We figured it’d be a good place to bathe before heading back into space.”

Shiro blushes. “Ah, so then…” The implication is practically dancing right in front of him. But he doesn’t want to assume anything. This really shouldn’t be any different from the communal showers back at the Garrison, and yet...

“Feeling modest all of a sudden, Shirogane?” Keith teases.

 _‘Modest is an understatement,’_ Shiro thinks. “Not at all. Just not sure if I’m up for a late night bath, that’s all.”

Keith quirks a brow. “Really? In that case, I guess I’ll have to wash you myself.” He smirks. 

Dear God, this man is going to be the death of him.

Keith laughs at seeing Shiro’s face turn beet red. “I’m just teasing you, old timer.” He grins.

“I mean. Y-you could. If. If you wanted, that is.” Shiro stutters before he can stop himself. He’s pretty sure he’s frozen in place now, ashamed his lizard brain would betray him like this.

“ _Oh.”_ Keith breathes. 

“I mean-” Shiro stumbles, trying desperately to save himself, “I’d need the help anyways. One arm and all that, haha.” God he needs to shut up. Why does he feel the need to dig himself deeper in the self made pit of embarrassment?

“Right.” Keith says. Despite it all, the fond smile never seems to leave Keith’s face. Shiro really doesn’t deserve him. He’s too kind to his disaster self. “Come here, then.” Keith beckons. It’s a testament to his brain’s autopilot mode that he makes it over without falling flat on his face.

Keith begins to remove Shiro’s paladin armor until he’s left in his undersuit. He stops and blushes, momentarily looking away. “I can turn around and give you some privacy, if you want.” he murmurs.

“Why?”

Keith stares. “Do you seriously want to bathe in your undersuit? It’d be wet for the rest of the night.” 

“Oh. Right. Didn’t think of that.” Shiro mumbles. Someone save him. He can’t take much more of this. “Yeah, some privacy would be...appreciated.”

Keith laughs softly, turning around to let him finish stripping as he starts to undress himself.

“Okay, I’m heading into the water now.” Shiro informs Keith, who lets out a hum of acknowledgement. 

The water is tepid, which is a pleasant surprise. A soft “ _oh_ ” leaves Shiro as he sinks deeper into the luminescent water. “This feels really nice.” he murmurs, watching the bright blue water seep through his fingers. A faint noise comes from behind him, the rippling water letting Shiro know Keith has now entered the water. 

“Turns out the water here has healing properties.” Keith marvels, cupping the water in his hands before letting it fall back in. It ripples, the glow intensifying slightly before resettling. Keith dips down until the water level is right under his eyes. “Glad Coran’s right. My body feels more relaxed than it’s been in a while.” Keith observes, his eyes going moony. There’s a calm, sated air about him. It warms Shiro to see him like this.

“I knew you had an ulterior motive.” Shiro laughs at Keith’s unimpressed look. “You’re right, though. It’s almost like you’re weightless, doesn’t it?”

Keith hums and leans back, resting against the rocks there. Shiro does the same, only he lifts his head to gaze at the night sky.

The sound of a bottle cap opening draws his attention away from the stars. Keith has a bottle of what looks like shampoo in his hands.

“Where…?” Shiro sits up.

“Stole it from Lance.” 

“Seriously?” 

Keith shrugs. “We don’t have much of this stuff on hand and knowing him he’ll use most of it for himself before remembering to leave some for the rest of us.”

Shiro laughs. “Then I guess we better thank him.” Keith sticks his tongue out. He pours some of it into his hand, capping the bottle and setting it down. He turns to Shiro, hesitating for a moment.

“Can I…?” He glances at Shiro’s hair. Shiro nods, moving closer towards Keith. Keith lights up. He turns Shiro around, gently caressing his face as he tilts his head back. Shiro leans against Keith, exhaling deeply as Keith begins to lather the shampoo into Shiro’s hair.

Shiro almost shudders at Keith’s touch. He’s not doing much, but it feels so intimate. The way Keith slowly drags his fingers through his scalp, massaging as he goes, it feels so nice. He could cry. He hasn’t felt so deeply cared for in so long. 

The water feels calm and soothing as it cascades down his face, a result of Keith rinsing the lather off.

It’s not until Keith’s hands move lower that he realizes Keith has begun to lather soap onto his back, working his shoulder blades as he goes. Keith kneads his muscles, reducing Shiro to a happy puddle. His hands move back up, massaging from his neck to his shoulders. He slows as he reaches the part where the Galran arm fused with where his shoulder would be.

“Keith?”

“I was hoping…” Keith starts, fingers running slowly through the section where metal fused to flesh, “God, it really just.” 

“Ate up my whole arm?” Shiro offers. Keith rests his head in the small of Shiro’s neck.

“Yeah.” he breathes. Shiro feels rather than hears Keith speak. This time he does shiver slightly at their proximity. Keith’s grip on Shiro tightens, a slight tremor coursing through him. “Sorry,” he whispers, “I just.” 

“I know.” Shiro laces his fingers with Keith’s. “You did what you had to do.”

Keith whimpers, wrapping his arms around Shiro as he shakes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to die before I could save you. I didn’t want to lose you.”

Shiro swallows. He’s still not sure if he’s ready to talk about this, but for Keith, he will. It’s selfish of him to keep ignoring it. To keep pushing it away, as if it’s a traumatic event that only affects him. Of _course_ Keith would also be suffering. Where Shiro had to piece things together from what Kuron was able to resist and remember, Keith had to deal with it all, more vividly and intensely than Shiro ever would.

“No, _I’m_ sorry.” Shiro squeezes his hand. “You’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while and I’ve been ignoring it. Ignoring _you_.” he sighs, frustrated at himself for being such a coward. “I appreciate you letting me get away with it for so long.”

Keith shakes his head, “I don’t ever want to pressure you into something that makes you uncomfortable, Shiro. We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

“I know. But it’s time.”

“...Okay, if you’re sure.” Keith swallows. “What...what do you remember?”

“Everything.”

The silence is damning. Keith tenses, nails raking slightly across his skin. Shiro grunts. Keith lets go, apologizing. An awkward silence builds, eyes averted and hands kept to themselves. 

“Sorry, I. I’m not sure where to start.” Keith admits, hunching in on himself.

“I don’t either. There’s...a lot.”

“Yeah…”

The silence resumes. Shiro berates himself for once again jumping in headfirst without a plan. When will his brain get the memo that doing things on impulse only miraculously go well for him on the battlefield and not his interpersonal relationships?

“Did anything I say get through to you?” Keith asks after a while.

He turns, studying the way Keith has suddenly grown demure. It’s jarring seeing him revert back to that sheltered teen he met all those years ago in the desert, side-lining hope for resigned defeat, if only for a moment. It does something to Shiro, knowing his best friend, his heart, is uncertain with where they stand.

He curses himself for failing him. For not making how he feels clear. For...everything. 

“Yes,” he grabs Keith’s hand, placing it over his heart, not caring that he’ll be able to feel how hard it beats for him. “You did.”

Keith’s eyes widen, gaze zeroed in on their hands. Shiro watches as Keith’s eyes begin to shimmer, shining just as beautifully as the stars he loves so much.

Slowly, he lets go of Keith’s hand, bringing it up to cup his face. His thumb gently runs across the base of his scar, a physical representation of Keith’s devotion to him. This man—and he truly is a man now, he realizes for what might be the upteenth time—this paragon of a person would cross the universe and then some for him. He has, and he would again. 

_‘As many times as it takes.’_

“I’m glad.” Keith says, voice a low rasp. His lips purse into a thin smile, breath caught in his throat. Shiro smiles back, feeling jittery. 

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?"

“For this,” he says, tracing over the scar burned into the side of his face, “And for making you wait for so long.”

“You did teach me patience,” Keith laughs, “But this,” he places his hand on top of Shiro’s, nuzzling into his palm, “Wasn’t your fault. Or the clones.”

Shiro frowns. 

“But...I forgive you.”

Shiro pulls him in, hiding his face in Keith’s hair as he holds him tight. “Thank you. For everything. For deciding I’m worth it.” The words are said quietly, equal parts disbelief and reverent. 

“That’s my line.” Keith huffs, words muffled slightly.

“I’m serious!”

“I am too!” He pulls back, a fierce gleam in his eyes, “I meant it, Shiro. I love you. You’re worth it. You’ll always be worth it.”

Shiro smiles, feeling tears begin to well. “I love you, too.”

Keith traces the planes of his face, his own filled with awe and adoration. Shiro closes his eyes, letting Keith pull him forward into a kiss. It’s soft, the plush of Keith’s lips against Shiro’s a revelation. A culmination of everything. He can’t help but chase after him when they pull apart. It draws an amused chuckle from Keith.

“Wow,” Shiro breathes. Keith scoffs, thumping his chest lightly.

“Dork.” There’s a nice, rosy color on his cheeks. He looks cute like this, flustered and happy, Shiro thinks. He tells him. It makes him burrow his face in Shiro’s chest, snuggled tight against him.

“Oh quiznak, what have I done? You’re unbearable like this.” he groans, shooting a small glare when he dares look up, “Sap.”

“That’s me,” Shiro grins, “And it’s all just for you.” he plants a small kiss on the tip of his nose. Keith whines, a little overwhelmed.

“Yeah,” he agrees, arms looped around his waist. Shiro indulges in kissing Keith again, just because he can. They spent a better time of the night basking in each other's company before heading back to the camp, hardly getting any sleep. They don’t complain, blissful and serene for the first time in ages.

If the group notices anything, they don’t bother mentioning it, although Krolia shoots them knowing smiles. Soon, they launch back into space, continuing their remaining trek back to earth.


	2. Chapter 2

The Lions fall from the sky, and so does Shiro’s heart.

They fall in bright blazing balls of fire, their descent horrifically mesmerizing. Shiro desperately calls out to them, hoping for any kind of response. Something.

He is greeted with silence.

Heart pounding, he storms out of the bridge, ignoring the calls and steadying arms as he runs through the Atlas.

“Find the locations of all the paladins and send paramedics and rescue teams to all of them, immediately!” Is all he says when Veronica contacts him. His helmet pings, a set of coordinates coming online as he reaches the hanger. 

Directions to the Black Lion.

“Thank you.” he breathes, throat clenching.

“Go get him, Captain.” 

  
  


He practically leaps from his jet as soon as he lands, refusing to stop and catch his breath. He can’t. He won’t. Not until he gets to Keith.

The Black Lion lays on her side amidst her own crater, her eyes dark, devoid of light. The relief he feels upon seeing her intact without major damage makes way to the wave of dismay that hits him. The last time she was like this, she had been completely unresponsive in the barren planet he and Keith had crash landed in together.

He finally makes it to the lion, hands supporting him as he leans against her in adrenaline fueled panic.

“Come on,” he begs, frantically searching for a way in to no avail. All the entrances are sealed, refusing to budge. 

“No,” he crumples to the earth's dusty red floor, chest heaving. It can’t end like this. He needs to get in, but he can’t. She won’t let him because he is no longer hers. But he  _ has _ to. 

He grits his teeth, fists clenched as he stands back up. He does his best to steady his breath, he’s no use to Keith like this.

_ Patience yields focus.  _

He places a hand on her jaw, brows furrowed. “Please.” He says, voice strained. “I may not be your paladin anymore, but I need you. Keith is in there, and I need to get to him. I need him to be alive. I can’t-” he stops, a wave of emotion roiling through him. “I can’t lose him too. So I’m begging you, please, let me in. Our bond may be severed, but you know how much I...how much  _ we both  _ love him. That. That has to count for  _ something. _ ” he pleads, hanging his head. “ _ Please. _ ”

Each second that passes chips at his resolve. His lip quivers, utterly heartbroken by the lion’s stillness.

Then, the unthinkable happens. She awakens, a soft purr rumbling in his head as she shifts with a groan, her jaw hissing as it creaks open. Shiro stumbles back, equal parts in disbelief and awe. The laugh he lets out is breathless, vision blurred with tears. He raises his head, blinking them back as best he can.

“Thank you,” he croaks, hurrying inside. The lion rumbles one more time before pulling back, leaving him to himself.

He finds Keith slumped over in the pilots chair, arms hanging limply like the rest of him, face painted in the red of his blood. It’s the worst he’s ever seen him. Their fight in the clone facility pales in comparison to this. At least Keith had made it out of there in one piece, sporting a new scar as the worst of his injuries. 

This is much worse.

Shiro chokes on a wail as he kneels in front of Keith, arms hovering frantically in panic. He so desperately wants to take off his helmet, but he knows he could risk harming Keith further in doing so. Taking a deep breath, Shiro settles on searching for a pulse on Keith’s wrist, relief pouring over him when a thudding pulse beats against his fingers.

He shifts Keith back into a sitting position as carefully as he can, being mindful not to jostle him. A wet cough catches Shiro’s attention. Keith sputters, a trickle of blood falling from his lips. His eyes open, the smallest of slivers struggling to interpret his surroundings. He groans, moving towards Shiro.

“Shi...Shirr-” he slurs.

“Shh, don’t talk. I’m here, Keith. I’m here.” Shiro soothes, trying to keep him still. Keith exhales sharply, coughing again. His breathing becomes labored, face pinched in pain.

Shit.

“What’s the ETA on paramedics?” He calls over his comm.

“They dispatched a little bit ago. They should be there within five minutes.”

“Thank you.” Shiro closes the line and considers his options. A lot can happen in five minutes. He has a jet waiting outside, but moving Keith too much could cause more harm than good. It’d be best to wait, but fear is clouding his judgement.

He needs to calm down. He needs to be a pillar of strength. But how can he when his foundation is on the brink of collapse?

He closes his eyes, focused. “Black, I know you’re tired, but do you have any strength left to take us back? I don’t want to wait too long and risk his life.”

At once, her presence mingles within his mind, albeit a little sluggish. She hums, lights within the cockpit illuminating softly before stagnating in low light. Her bayard port glows, faint streaks of purple pulsing. He feels a pull similar to moments before the Atlas shifted into a mech. His Altean arm begins to glow again, shining its brilliant quintessence blue. Slowly, he wraps his prosthetic around the black bayard, channeling the energy from Allura’s balmeran crystal. He tries to transfer it as he fits the bayard into its port, turning it.

The room fills with light, a rumble resounding in his head as the lion's eyes reignite. He can’t help the resounding cheer that comes out when she starts to move. A pleased purr greets him, followed by an intuitive need to keep Keith safe and steady as they head back. Shiro is more than happy to obey.

“Thank you.” he says to her. He stands by the pilot’s chair, holding Keith’s hand along the way. “Hang in there, baby. You’ll be okay.” Keith’s eyes crack open again, a confused noise slipping out. Shiro shushes him, pressing a kiss on his wrist. Keith looks at him. Looks at the screen where it shows Black soaring back to the Garrison base, then back at Shiro. 

“Tol’ yuu…” he slurs, lips quirked in the smallest smile as his eyes fall shut again. Shiro’s brow furrows. He hopes his head trauma isn’t too severe. Hopes his Galra DNA help cushion the blow or at least speed up his recovery.

He’ll cling to it, as tightly as he can.

* * *

In retrospect, it’s fitting that Shiro would miss Keith’s first time regaining consciousness while giving his speech to the Coalition. Doesn’t make him appreciate the strange workings of the universe any less, for with all the shit it’s put him through, at least it was kind enough to give him Keith. Kinder still to let him keep him in his life.

He rushes over to Keith as soon as he can, breathless as he reaches the room. Krolia and Kolivan look up, blinking at the Admiral as he catches his breath.

“Oh, hi. I. I didn’t know you guys had flown in.”

“Well, he  _ is _ my son.” Krolia says. 

Shiro blushes. “Right, sorry, I uh. I can leave if you’d like.” He offers. Krolia chuckles, shaking her head fondly. 

“It’s alright, you two can catch up. We’ll check in on the others.” Krolia says, nudging Kolivan.

“Thank you.”

She smiles. “Of course.” she places a hand on his shoulder as she passes him at the entryway. “Thank you. For saving my son.”

“Always.”

“It’s good to see you, Shiro. Take care.” Kolivan nods, following Krolia out. The door slides shut behind him, leaving him with Keith. 

“Hey,” Keith says, “I caught some of your speech on tv. You did great.”

“Really? It wasn’t too much, was it?” 

“It was perfect.”

Shiro rubs the back of his neck. “Thanks. How are you feeling?”

Keith considers this. “Top heavy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Feels like I’ll topple over if I move my head around too much.” He chuckles. “Is this how you felt every time you came back?”

“More or less.”

“Damn. No idea how you managed.”

“I had help.” Shiro smiles, placing a hand on top of Keith’s. He smiles back, then scrunches his face as he grips Shiro’s hand, fingers intertwined.

“That took way too much effort to do.” He sighs.

“Oh yeah. Take it from me, even the simplest task will feel like a hurdle the first few weeks.”

“Good thing I’ve got an expert to help me out.” Keith grins.

Shiro updates Keith on the aftermath of the battle, how they’ve begun resourcing and rebuilding earth to be one of the main bases for the coalition. How the other paladins have been, and that their recoveries are all going well. They entertain the idea of spending time together as a group, away from the stressors of war. A chance to relax and just  _ be. _ It’s a nice thought.

“You said something when Black flew us back to the Garrison,” Shiro says after a pause. “It sounded like ‘Told you’. What did you mean by that?” he half-laughs. Keith looks at him in disbelief. “What?”

“Shiro…” he shakes his head, “That night you cried, you thought you’d never be able to hear her again, much less pilot her. And yet you did. You found a way, just like I said you would.” 

Shiro’s eyes widen. Sure, she had responded to him, but Black had piloted herself...hadn’t she? All he’d done was-

Oh.

“Oh.” Shiro breathes. Keith squeezes his hand.

“Yeah. She still loves you. The bond is still there.” Shiro vision starts to blur. He’s crying, he realizes. “I know you have the Atlas now, but for what it counts, you still are and always will be the Black Paladin. At least to me.”

Shiro’s lip quivers, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Keith murmurs back. He opens his arm, beckoning him to come closer. Shiro obliges, holding him close for the first time since the paladins had descended from the sky. He missed this, missed the intimacy in their hugs. They fit together perfectly, as if his purpose is to love and to hold on to Keith. He wouldn’t mind it in the slightest.

“I missed you,” Shiro whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Keith’s lips, “Missed this. It’s good to have you back.”

“S’good to be back,” he warbles, claiming another kiss.

The battle may be far from over, but Shiro knows that as long as he has Keith by his side, along with the people he calls family, he can get through anything.

**-EPILOGUE-**

Keith stares at the glinting gold band on his finger. Even with the foreign weight sitting as a tactile reminder, it feels unreal. He glances up, where the invited guests all smile and lift their flutes of champagne in celebration. His gaze falls on Allura, watching as she laughs brightly before resting her head on Lance’s shoulder.

The sight brings a fresh wave of tears to his eyes. He lowers his head to wipe them away as discreetly as he can. He sniffles, taking a deep breath before raising his head again. Krolia stands in front of him, a wavering smile on her face. She knows. She understands.

“Damn it. Mom, I just stopped crying.” he laughs, hiccuping slightly. She pulls him in, hugging him tight. They sway slightly to the soft tune of the music, Krolia pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

“I’m proud of you, Keith.” she says when the song fades out. He rubs his eye with his palm, hopefully clearing the last of his tears.

“I love you, mom.” he croaks. 

“I love you, too.”

“I can’t believe we’re here.” He marvels, surveying everything next to his mother. “From what we saw...I was afraid,” he admits. Throughout their last battle with Honerva, Keith had been full of anxiety. There had been future outcomes he’d seen where one of them died, or they’d grown apart, only convening once a year if even that. When Hunk had lived through the explosion and consequent crash landing, a glimmer of hope had sparked within him. Maybe they’d all make it out alive after all.

The fear began to grow again when Allura began to act differently. A little more reserved, a little more downtrodden, as if she and she alone bore the fate of the universe. He had been terrified that she would sacrifice herself for the fate of all realities, and he hadn’t a clue how to stop her.

And then Lance convinced her to stay. Right as they were on the cusp of the end of everything, they’d all decided to stay together, no matter the cost. In the end, the Lion’s were sacrificed, their job complete. It was a bittersweet goodbye, but one he is grateful for every day. Because now, he gets to keep his family. Gets to see them go on and accomplish incredible things. Gets to see them alive and happy. It’s the best outcome he could’ve hoped for.

“I know, sweetheart,” Krolia croons, running a hand soothingly up and down his arm, “But today, is a joyful day. Celebrate your love with those you love. It’s an incredible pillar of strength that can change the very fabric of fate. I think you know this first hand.” she smiles, gesturing to his found family, where Shiro is.

His husband. Shiro is his husband.  _ His _ .

“Yeah, I do.” This time, he welcomes the tears. He gives Krolia one last hug before joining his paladins, his friends.

His family.


End file.
